No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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