I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
