Your face is a jimmy john
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
