if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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