ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
