What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
