I faked an abortion last night.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
