My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
