I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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