direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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