Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
