I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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