Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
