Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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