You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Semen is not good for contacts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
