All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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