Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
