Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
