Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
