I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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