she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
