we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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