You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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