i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
