I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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