If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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