who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
