I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
