I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
