I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
