he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
