We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
