Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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