I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
