So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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