I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
