okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
