Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
