Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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