we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
