I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
