when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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