When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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