once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
