I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
