So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
