The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
