She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
