thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
