In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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