I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
