what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
